Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
