im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are the jesus of drinking
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
