I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
