Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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