Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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