i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
