; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
