May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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