glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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