I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
