i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
