I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
