I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
