her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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