I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
