I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
