Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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