Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
dude. I can hear the air.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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