he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
