Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
