do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize