Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
