I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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