The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
In America we eat man semen.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
