I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
