3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize