you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dear god my vagina.
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