He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
