I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
