There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
