I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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