If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
