she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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