I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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