i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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