hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
