Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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