it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
