she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
