The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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