I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
