my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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