My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
