How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
