Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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