Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
