Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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