Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
