Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
