I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
