At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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