I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
