Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
