You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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