Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
