hotel room ftw
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
