Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
