3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
