i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You are a genius and a whore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
