Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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