Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
