No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
