so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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