I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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