the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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