Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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