It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
