Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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