I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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